AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
啊啊啊啊啊我是阿图尔博鲁什,这是本周让我愤怒的一系列东西:
1. WATCHING SEBASTIEN FREY -- OHMYGOD I AM SO SICK OF NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I WANTED TO WASTE MY CAREER SITTING AROUND AND WATCHING ANOTHER GOALKEEPER PLAY INSTEAD OF ME I WOULD HEADBUTT A GIRAFFE BECAUSE THAT IS JUST STUPID!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH THE GIRAFFE JUST BIT ME!!!!!!!
1. 看塞巴弗雷 —— 我的天啊我已经受够了上不了场啦!!!如果我想要浪费我的职业生涯总是坐着看另一个门将比赛而不是我的话我会去头顶一头长颈鹿,因为那样是很愚蠢的!我靠,长颈鹿刚刚咬我了!
2. THE HAMBURG DERBY -- AHHHHHHHH WHY COULDN'T I BE THERE!!!!!!! THERE IS NOTHING I LOVE MORE THAN BEING BEATEN BY RIOT POLICE AND BLASTED WITH A FIRE HOSE!!!!!!!!! INSTEAD I WAS SITTING ON THE BENCH WATCHING SEBASTIEN FREY LOSE TO LAZIO!!!!!!! THEY NEED TO EITHER PLAY ME OR BLAST ME WITH A FIRE HOSE!!!!!!! TO BE HONEST I WOULD ACTUALLY PREFER THE LATTER!!!!!!
3. CORN -- THE OTHER DAY I ASKED SEBASTIEN FREY WHAT HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?!?!??!!? CHOCOLATE!!!!!!! BUT I BET HE WOULD PUT CHOCOLATE ON CORN AND REALLY ENJOY IT!!!!!!! THAT COUNTS AS CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE THAT FREY IS WORKING FOR THE EVIL CORN OVERLORDS!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH STOP DOUBTING ME!!!!!!!!
3. 玉米 —— 有一天我问弗雷他最喜欢吃什么,你猜他说什么?巧克力!!但我肯定他能在玉米上放巧克力也会很喜欢吃!这样就是间接证据证明弗雷为邪恶的玉米效力!啊啊啊别怀疑我!
4. FACEBOOK GROUP TO GET PUYOL TO PLAY UNTIL HE'S 40 -- IF THIS WORKS I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO START A GROUP DEMANDING THAT SEBASTIEN FREY EAT A LIVE RABIES-INFESTED SQUIRREL IF EIGHT MILLION PEOPLE JOIN!!!!!! I'VE ALREADY ASKED HIM TO DO IT SEVERAL TIMES BUT HE JUST IGNORES ME!!!!!! AHHHHHH MAYBE I SHOULD SCREAM IT TO HIS FACE INSTEAD OF IN MY BASEMENT LATE AT NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
5. DRUG MULE REFEREES -- SMUGGLING DRUGS IS WRONG!!!!!! ONE TIME I TRIED TO SMUGGLE M&M'S THROUGH AN AIRPORT AND WHEN SECURITY DISCOVERED THEM I SHOUTED "EAT DRUGS!!!!!" AND RAN!!!!! THEY NEVER CAUGHT ME BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THE MANHUNT IS STILL GOING!!!!!!!!
5. 裁判走私毒品(笔者注:2002年世界杯意大利对韩国的裁判,莫雷诺,上周在纽约机场因为被发现身上带有海洛因而被捕)—— 走私毒品是非常不对的!有一次我想走私M&M'S巧克力通过机场,当安检人员发现它们时我大叫“吃药吧!”然后赶紧跑了。他们没有抓到我,但我肯定他们现在还在寻找我!
6. BALL BOY GETTING TOUGH WITH GOALKEEPER -- IF A BALL BOY EVER DID THIS TO ME I WOULD POLITELY ASK HIM WHY HE IS SUCH A BRATTY LITTLE BOY!!!!!! AND THEN I WOULD PUT HIM IN A BOX AND SHIP HIM TO THE SUN WITH THE ANGRIEST DROPKICK OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!! HAVE FUN INSTANTLY DISINTEGRATING BRAT!!!!!!!
7. MY ANNOYING NEW NEIGHBOR ENZO -- SO ON THURSDAY I DECIDED THAT I COULD NO LONGER LIVE NEXT TO A LYING SLAVE TO THE CORN!!!!!!! I WAS DRAWING PICTURES OF UNICORNS THAT CAN RIDE TANDEM BICYCLES AND DECAPITATE OLD PEOPLE ON MY WALLS WHEN I DECIDED THIS!!!!!!! I THEN SPRINTED OUT OF MY HOUSE AND RAN OVER AND DELIVERED ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO HIS FRONT DOOR UNTIL HE OPENED IT!!!!!!!!! HE LOOKED CONFUSED AND SAID SOMETHING IN ITALIAN SO I SCREAMED "I'M VERY SORRY ENZO BUT YOU MUST LEAVE YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!" AND I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WOULD MELT HIS FACE WITH MY VOCAL CHORDS IF HE DIDN'T!!!!!!!!! THEN I GAVE UP A SUITCASE FULL OF MONEY AND TOLD HIM TO NEVER COME BACK!!!!!!!! HE LOOKED SURPRISINGLY HAPPY WHEN HE TOOK IT!!!!!!!!!! I THEN SPENT THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS SENTING OFF FIREWORKS IN HIS HOUSE TO RID IT OF THE CORN SPIRITS AND ALSO JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO SET OFF FIREWORKS IN HOUSES!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH I HOPE ENZO LOSES THE BAG OF MONEY I GAVE HIM AND HAS TO HUNT FOR FOOD IN CARLES PUYOL'S HAIR FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!